I finally cleared through almost 400 comments, and yes, 98% of them were spam. Thanks to those of you who did comment. If you don’t see yours posted, it might have looked like spam to me. Some of them were pretty convincing but if there was no clear reference to the topic, it’s still in spam limbo. I need to figure out how control the spam coming in.
I also need to figure out how to do an RSS feed, whatever the hell that is, or some way that people can get updates when I post something. If you know how to do this on wordpress, let me know. I used to make my own little websites in the early 90s on platforms like geocities and tripod, using straight up HTML. It seems these skills didn’t translate well over the years, to running a modern blog.
I don’t think anything I learned 20+ years ago has aged well.
I’m going to be featuring a couple reader contributions here in the near future. If you have a story you want to share, or some advice, an article or random piece of writing; email it to me. I’ll post it up anonymously or with full credit, whatever you like. I know some of you have some great stories. I really want to introduce a positive element to the blog, and enlisting some help might be the easiest way to get me on the right track. If you’ve got something dark though, by all means, this will always be the place.
I’d also like recommendations on blogs to read. Yours or a favourite of yours. I don’t read, and I need to. I stopped reading books decades ago. I enjoyed them immensely, but now reading brings on panic and anxiety, the inescapable terror of knowing I should be doing something productive. It may come as a surprise, but I want to write a book, and until I start reading and seeing what that’s supposed to look like, I’m stumbling in the dark.
I’ve given up on my dream of racing, or even being around cars. I’m not just low-key bitter about that, it’s made me miserable most of my life. The ship has sailed though, and I need to move on. The only other thing I can do competently, and can afford, is writing. If I can’t make something out of words, I’ve got nothing left to give this world, except my kidney. Yes, I’m working on donating my kidney, I’ll get you up to speed on that later.
I never had any intent to write, but people, perhaps well meaning, have encouraged me over the years to do more of it. I don’t fully trust all the people that told me, but I have nothing left to lean on. My body doesn’t have many years of hard labour in it, and I managed to get this far with no skills or education. I know that doesn’t lend well to being a good author, there’s 10,000,000 better writers out there languishing in obscurity. Why do I think I can beat those odds? I don’t really.
With that said, it’s the only thing I’ve ever been able to picture myself doing and being reasonably happy. Even with racing, there were parts of it I don’t think I’m well suited to.
Driving fast, having a nice car, going to the track… sure. But I’m not competitive or dedicated enough. I don’t have the determination, the grit or the money. The biggest revelation came relatively recently, when I realized how futile and pointless life is, and that applies doubly to motor racing. Nihilism killed my dream. I feel like writing something meaningful is one of the last remaining acts of significance that I can offer.
And V, hit me up when you get your new email.